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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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Then, outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off. I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need.” Everyone starts panicking, and I’m trying to keep my cool. I’m like, “It’s probably just a drill, right?” But no, it’s not. We had to evacuate! I’m standing outside in the cold, watching the fire brigade roll up. Turns out, someone burnt their toast in the staff room. Seriously? Toast? I could’ve made a better breakfast with my eyes closed!

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